psalm 51: the road to back to you

Yedid Nefesh

i’m trying to find my way
back, but it’s not my sins
that block the way, i just
seem to be thwarted at
every turn by this crippling,
paralyzing shame.

i’m tempted to call out
for your mercy, to ask you
to wash me clean from my stains,
but maybe i’m not really
really interested in your compassion
at all, maybe i’m really just
asking you to scour my soul
until it’s bloody and raw.

so now i’m not asking you to
purify me, i’m only asking you
to show me how i can wash away
this constant residue of judgement
that keeps me from seeing myself
as i truly am: not forever marked
with iniquity, just a little fractured
in a few too many places.

don’t let me off the hook,
please don’t allow me the luxury
of this self-loathing;
just gently guide my steps
into these broken places

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